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long ttc, no baby( Rss

Hi everyone! I’ve been reading this forum for quite a long time and finally decided to join. Today I feel really emotional… I need to share bc no one around understands my frustration.

Well, stupid periods showed up yesterday... I am soo depressed right now it's not even funny. I'm trying not to let it bring me down but WHY isn't it happening.

It seems everybody around me is pregnant. A LOT of them don't really seem like they want or deserve it. A friend of mine is married to the worst player ever. They have a 16 month old daughter and she just got pregnant last month with their 2nd child. I work at a beauty salon and many of my clients are fairly young.. (approx.18 - 21 years old) and in the past few months 6 of them have said to me that they are pregnant!! No steady boyfriend or nothing… Now I'm thinking why the hell am I not getting pregnant?? We have a good loving family. This baby would be loved more than anything... I don't understand.

I know it's my fault. I'm ashamed to admit this and I'm crying soo hard while I'm writing this...I had 3 abortions when I was younger. I was going out with a guy for 6 years (from 15 to 21) and it was an abusive relationship. I got pregnant 3 times...3 times!! Can you believe this!!??! I know it may have been the right decision given my situation at the time. But I just know I'm being punished right now. I was soo wrong to do that. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm sorry I know a lot of you out there are against abortions. I just had to talk about it, nobody knows except my dh.

Now I’m married. I have loving husband, he is the best. We’ve been trying to conceive for almost 3 years and nothing. I blame myself and feel like it killing me.
I’ve just read your post and you are not being punished! At the end of the day you feel guilt over something you did when you were young. At that time it was clearly the right thing to do. No one can ever tell you what you did back then was wrong or right but you have to stop punishing yourself.
I myself had lots of trouble conceiving and it took me and my husband many years to become pregnant(via surrogacy). We now have two wonderful kids.

Again I blamed myself because of each and every reason. I blamed myself as we struggled to get pregnant. I know you’ll think oh it’s not the same as you but that’s what we do we blame ourselves for things we believe is right at the time.

In all honesty I think that we as women put so much pressure on ourselves to fall pregnant. We become so uptight about it that’s what causes us to not. When I stopped worrying and stressing, we found solution and option which gave us our children.

Don’t blame yourself for something you did as a child/young adult. Maybe it’s completely psychological and that you believe you’re not good enough or deserve to be a Mum now because of past choices, which I might add isn’t true.

I know it can feel a lonely horrible place that you’re in right now because I went through the exact same. When I was trying all I saw was pregnant women and judged each and every one thinking why them and not me! Unfortunately that’s human nature but please try not to blame yourself and rid yourself of this past guilt and you never know you may well be blessed with having a baby soon.

Please stay positive and try to relax. If you ever want a chat feel free to pm me because I can relate in a way to what you’re going through. Trust me there is always a silver lining. Keep your chin up love xx
You shouldn't beat yourself up about things in the past. You made what was the right decision for you at that time. It doesn't really matter what other people think. This is not a punishment for that. Just keep trying to think positive that it WILL happen someday. You just don't know when. I know it's hard to watch when people "accidentally" turn up pregnant. And every 2WW seems like an eternity!!! Keep having hope, prayer, and optimism. I really believe we'll all have our day.

I know we all go through the process of figuring out what "we" did, but I think that most medical professionals and statistics would tell you that a prior abortion has nothing to do with your current situation. I know it's frustrating to see people who may not "want" a baby as much as you getting pregnant all around, and I share that pain with you.

If you were doing things now that are unhealthy, which it sounds like you are not, that would be one thing. Beating yourself up about the past I know is natural, but someday there will be the child that the almighty intends you to raise and love, no matter how or when it gets to you.

I do not know the history of your fertility issues. But both you and your DH should check your fertility asap. It is an easy and relatively inexpensive test. It should be done if you want to continue ttc. You should be aware of your health condition. Maybe your RE will give you some advice or prescribe some fertility treatment. It is the first thing good doctors will do when you reach that one year mark and seek help.

Just don’t forget it is not your fault. It is nobody's "fault". You made the best decision that you could at the time. Let's face it at 15 or 20 we all do things that we could look back now and say maybe that wasn't the best idea. It is just the maturity that comes with age. So don't beat yourself up. Know that you are taking good care of yourself now and that is what is important. Good luck to you.
Please don’t blame yourself. There is no point in doing that. You cannot change anything. You did what you considered to be better for you. And now blaming only make you even more stressed because you can’t conceive. And I'd try not to do too much googling on the subject. There is so much false information out there and propaganda. There is no scientific link to what you are suggesting. It is just dumb luck sometimes and other times our bodies just need a little help. I agree with comments above. You need to meet your Dr. and do medical check. Make an appointment to see your Dr. as a couple. There could be a problem with you or your partner. Your doctor may suggest some initial investigations to see if you can improve your chances. Don’t waste time and just do it! Believe me it will help. Good luck!
I didn’t even expect to see so many replies! I feel much better now! Thanks for all the support. I needed it so much. No one around understands. My DH is very supportive, but… You know, only women who goes through same pain can understand. We haven't done any medical check. I know it’s wrong. We had to see Dr. 2 years ago. But we didn’t… My DH has a son from previous marriage. He doesn’t tell me straight but he thinks everything is ok with his fertility. I believe it’s obvious as he has a child. So the problem is in me. I’m the reason we can’t conceive. And it scares me to death… I’m scared to hear a verdict that I’m infertile and we won’t be able to have children. That’s why I’m constantly thinking about my abortions.
I am really sorry to know about your situation. You must have had a tough time. Don’t lose hope, sweetheart. Life has put you in a test. Try to pass the exam with good marks. Have firm faith in God. I have had surrogacy too. I had lost all my hopes when I could not conceive naturally. I am a victim of PCOS. I have consulted my doctors in Ukraine. They suggested me for surrogacy. I am so happy to have my own baby. It was a wonderful experience. Surrogacy is truly a blessing in disguise. You must give it a try to. All the very best to you. stay safe.
Hi sweetie, hope you are doing fine. Please don't feel so bad about all this. No doubt this is a tough phase but everything passes. the good and the bad. I can totally understand you. I had gone through this situation 3 years ago. I was so depressed about that. I had almost thought of forgetting the idea of having a child. it was my husband who supported me and held my hopes high. I am blessed with a baby boy now. I wish that you become a mother soon. good luck!
Hi Martha! How are you? Hope you are in good health. Don’t be so frustrated. You have to keep calm and keep on facing what life throws at you. I can understand you regret. Infertility is a very heavy burden to bear and 3 years is a lot of time for TTC. I am sorry you had to go through this but there is still hope. I am recommending you this because it is something that I have also experienced and my recommendation to you is that you should go for surrogacy. I am also infertile and went for it. I am happy to tell you that I am now a mother of a baby girl. Everyone deserves to be a parent and we should be open to try alternative methods for that. I went to Ukraine for my surrogacy and recommend you do the same. All the best to you.
Hi. This brought tears to my eyes too. Virtual hugs for you. I feel really sorry for you. Don't get upset. Why are you blaming yourself? You don't have any fault in this. This is life. Three years is not a much time. Wait for the right time. You are lucky. You have a supportive husband. He loves you so much. Did you go to the doctor? What did he say? If not, to be on the safe side, have a check-up. I hope everything is going to be positive.
I hope things are good at your end. This is heartbreaking. Abortions are always hard. You must have thought wisely about them. Don't regret your decisions now. What has happened has happened. You can't bring those moments back. TTC for no long with no luck is tough. Don't get worried. Jealousy is common in such circumstances. I pray that everything goes well at your side. Why don't you try for surrogacy? It has a very good success rate. This way you can have your own biological child. Sending my prayers and wishes for you.
This is so terrible. I can't even imagine how someone can survive in such a situation. You're strong that you admitted and shared everything here. These forums are made to help you after all. What you did to yourself was very wrong. I agree with that completely. But since you admit it, there's no use to scold you on that. I hope people can get a lesson from your experience. Everyone needs to stop considering abortions a joke. It's not a joke at all. The outcomes of such things are not good at all. For now, you should consult your doctor. Share your problems with her. I am hopeful that she'll tell you the right thing to do. Stay strong.
hi, hope so you are doing great. Don't take the stress. Don't overthink. All will be fine. Stay positive and happy. I think you should go for a checkup. hi, Don't take the stress. Don't overthink. All will be fine. Stay positive and happy. I think you should go for a checkup. Nowadays infertility is not a big problem. Surrogacy is indeed the best method. IVF is also a good process where children would be genetically linked with you. In Europe, there are best clinics. Which are not so expensive and provide you with a great environment. All the best. Stay happy. Better things will come soon. Think positive all will be fine sweetheart. My best wishes are with you. All the very best.
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