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Discipline: What works for you? Lock Rss

I have a rather.... trying 4 year old on my hands at the moment. Overall he's a good kid, but his behaviour has been rather awful lately. I don't want to say what I do because I want to hear how everyone else does things and not "I do that too" tongue

I would especially like tips on dealing with:
Doing exactly what I have just told him not to
Slamming doors
Dealing with attitude
Plain old not listening

"Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do."

We use time out and confiscating things. Most things he will get a warning first then time out if he does it again. I often give him to the count of 3 to comply with a request. But deliberately doing what I told him not to, slamming doors or hitting is an instant time out as is being disrespectful like spitting at us (yes he has done this!).

Time out is at the end of our hallway on a little mat. He has to sit there and face the corner till our little digital timer beeps. If he moves away from the mat then I start the time again. If he moves off it again then something gets confiscated for the rest of the day eg his tablet or whatever his favourite toy is that day or as a last resort his special Doggie he sleeps with.

My boy is going through a difficult phase right now too. Answering back, angry etc. I try and stay as calm as possible because I have noticed if I lose it and start yelling etc it just makes things worse. I think he yells because I yell so I'm working on not yelling and setting a good example in staying calm when I'm upset....doesn't always work as I am not a Zen Master. But I am making a conscious effort.

I'm on my phone but will sign in on laptop and share tomorrow!
We use the thinking chair, as my kids don't use the iPad or tv much so it's not a huge threat. It's a chair located in the corner of a wall. The kids sit on it until the timer stops (I base the time on their age). If they get off, the timer restarts, if they scream and continue to carry on whilst on the chair, well obviously they're not thinking about what they have done, so I add another minute to the timer.

The key is to stay calm and explain why they are disciplined and big hugs, kisses and an apology at the end seems to work for us.

I personally don't tolerate door slamming. My mum lost her finger bc of it, so when my son slammed the door for the first time I grabbed his finger and gently closed the door on him and explained if you slam the door look what could happen. I know it's extreme but kids need to learn it's not the noise that bothers you but it's the danger. He was put on the thinking chair after I scarred him and he has never done that again.

Good luck. Remember what works for some may not work for others.
We have time out in the laundry. They have nothing to play with in there. When they come out they have to apologise for what they have done.

If it's not listening and nothing major. I let it go but then when they come to me and ask me to do something I tend to ignore them. When they get frustrated that I'm not listening they ask why. I explain that I have asked them to do something and it has not been done so why should I do what they want. It generally get them listening the job done and we move on till next time.

Sorry can't help with slamming doors. Mine don't do that. Good luck.

Dealing with attitude. Generally just have to say quit with the attitude. But again if they ask or demand something with attitude it does not happen till asked nicely with no attitude. It can be very frustrating.

All kids just want to test to see how far they can push. I find if you let them push you and you give in next time it goes even further. We try to nip all bad behaviour before it gets out of hand.

Remember my kids are a bit older now so I can rationalise or bargain with them. This parenting thing is the hardest thing in the world. Good luck.

My first is only 18 months old, and he gets into everything, and he doesn't listen. I just put him in bed (helps that he's only 18 months and not quite in a real bed yet, hopefully soon) if he doesn't listen three times.
My partner and I have agreed on the "Three times" rule. We're young parents (quite young really), and we're talking about how we were raised, and are taking the best things from that, and adding our own style of parenting. The reason we chose three, was because when we were younger, there was counting to three, then going to our room. Personally, I think that works in certain situations.
If he were to slam the door when he's older, I think I would take away his bedroom door. Nothing to slam that way, and they're simple enough to put back on.
As for not listening, when he is old enough to understand (he isn't yet, he will be soon), we won't listen to him. And if he gets grumpy, we'll talk to him and ask him how he felt when we weren't listening, and then go from there.
Attitude, I don't really understand myself. I mean, children are really testing the waters, and thinking "how far can I push this today" and they are still learning about who they are. To be honest, if my son was just being a little brat in general, just for the sake of it, I would probably ask if something was wrong. Like if they go to kindy are they being bullied, are they copying other kids. And if they say they don't know (it's often how it is with kids, they really just don't know), I'd ask if they wanted to go have a nap or something. I know it might seem a little soft, but I remember getting in trouble for something when I just replied "I don't know"
And doing exactly what he was told not to do? No pudding (Or a favourite thing they get to eat or do). You do what you were told not to do, then you're in big trouble. But that's just me.
I hope I helped a bit, I do only have an 18 month old after all. I know that this worked on my siblings a couple of times, but everyone is different.
Time out works wonders here with both mine.

DS is not 3 until April, but he understands time out. He has to sit on a stool in the hallway until he comes out and says sorry. We do lots of cuddles and explaining. And they both usually get several warnings before it gets to time out. DS has been in timeout 3 times in his entire life.

DD for defiance, attitude or not doing as we asked will get time out too after a warning. We have also put a favourite toy up on the bench which she can't play with until we say it can come back down.

For us its all about consistency and trying to notice the good things they do. Hard I know. My girl since going back to school has developed a smart attitude on her which does not impress us. Guess last year she developed a defiant attitude which she finally got rid of. Now its time to tackle the attitude. Sigh.

DS can really push things quite far. At the moment his big thing is when I take DD to school in the mornings he is not to run around in the classroom. He gets pretty excited by all the kids and starts playing chasey. So we had a chat on the way to school about walking inside only. He totally understood and had this very sorry/sad look on his face while he stood by the door of the classroom! But I gave him a fruit strip which he loves after...

Hm, door slamming....Well DS got clocked good and proper at Christmas time by a cousin. He was bleeding and screaming. So if he does something that could hurt someone like a door slamming or throwing things we remind him of the christmas far that works for him. But he is younger then your DS...
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